A Serious Wakeup Call

 The end of every story is bittersweet.   I think I expected some triumphant return to my life, but the truth is it was all very anticlimactic. After nine months of therapy--one month of being on hold--one short return to the clinic and two months of waiting--the truth is I settled into a a comfortable hole. I had never been that bad.  Truthfully, I wanted to throw my walker away on the first day of being home.  When I was home I didn't use it much and when I took in to the clinic, I felt like I could do more.

When truth finally sinks in. For many patients there comes that time when there is a element of denial. For some think they will only be here at best three weeks. One of my my brothers, Skip told me that he lived in denial for a long time.   Being at the center was a real wake up call.   Much like Skip I had to adjust to the concept I would be working on many things, most importantly I would have to understand that my life would change, but I would get better.   It would take longer that I expected. I used to think that I would only spend about four months at the center, and I would only be here "just over the summer." The first truth bomb hit me when I was Occupational Therapy.   What I had referred to as my 79 percent side had become painfully obvious whenever I tried to write, or type of use as part of my testing.  Each time I used my right hand I tended to use my left hand to compensate--and the problem was I was right handed,  ...

 It has been four weeks since I came back to the blog. At present I am sitting back at the Center for Neuro Skills and trying to make a new understanding of what I now need to do. My insurance denied my payment for four weeks on the grounds that I was simply doing what they  deemed was "maintenance therapy."  I was  not ready to return to work, and I could not even drive. In truth I tried not to harbor resentment for my stupid insurance company.  Staying out of my wife's way was also very important, but for four weeks I tried to busy myself and assist her.  In many ways I tried to do excercise--which I had become accustom too. The big thing I tried to do was not make a mess,  When she came home with the groceries I did my best to put them away for her. It was a conscious attempt to prove my worth and ability to practice mindfulness.  I know my wife was thankful. Between this time Margaret went back to work.  And while she went back to work I ...

On the second day of being at the clinic I was told to go into PT where I met several of the most abrasive and wonderful people around. After years of being very lax with my health--I say lax because I was not unfit, but the amount of fitness that I was capable of was unclear. I had had a brain injury and I had basically been unable to walk for a month--now I was beginning a long and arduous project of rebuilding those neural pathways and to be honest just rebuilding the will to walk again. So the first day of physical therapy I began each day with a PT therapist who started talking to me about what I had not done, really--work out. My therapists name was K--- and I began by doing bridges. They were not hard but by the end of the week I done so many bridges, and I was already stronger. While I was doing bridges (which to be honest were not very hard) I began to notice there were a lot of people who were improving and working on their own problems--and  every patient around me was d...

The Brotherhood of Brain Injury Everyday starts the same way. My wife and I start each morning with a blood pressure check, and I check my blood sugar. I choke down a large handful of pills and then I have breakfast--a yogurt and some milk. Usually my wife and I make my lunch before she shuttles me off to the "Center" when the shuttle arrives. I usually share some kind words with the driver who has warmed up to me and as I've told the wife--I unlocked her.  For a long time she didn't say much. We usually go to Hurst where we pick up Mr. R-----.  I cannot stress the importance of being on time--even my fellow patients have come to expect the shuttle. Mr. R---- is an older gentlemen who expects the shuttle to be on time. His house is beautiful with a front yard complete with foliage and a whimsical looking oak tree which has a face on the front of it--I call that Old Man Oak.   When we leave I watch as Old Man Oak disappears in the distance and topiary of Mr. R----'...

When I think back to the day I had my stroke I remember how my life was. Being at the clinic has been a serious wake up call considering the fact when I woke up I realize there  were several things I used to be very lax about.  The first was my health.   When I got up from the couch I used to groan.   The truth is my mother-in-law thought I was frail. It took a stroke for me to realize that I cared what she thought about me. I was very badly out of shape, and I ignored my blood sugar and my blood pressure which were both very high. It took a serious brain injury for me to realize I was killing myself--slowly and steadily.  To start with I had high blood pressure--I want to say I had hypertension but since my blood pressure was high enough to cause my stroke--as much as I want to call my blood pressure hypertension-- this is what caused my stroke.   I was also negligent with my medication.   Add all of this together--this is what cau...